Hello Everyone, I hope your doing well, I am doing great. This is a great article on Denial by Colette Baron-Reid. Now that I am coming up on a year's sobriety next month I am so happy to be out of Denial and I can't begin to tell you how good it feels, how good I feel. My head is clearer and clearer. Even though I was not an all day, all the time drinker, I know now what they mean by being in a fog, a slumber of sorts, even though you don't think your in one. Slowly, as I went through watching 4 women suffer painful deaths, back to back within a year and half's time, I did get in the habit of drinking every night to escape the pain, and before I knew it I crossed the line. When they were all gone and buried I was left feeling like an empty shell, emotionally bankrupt. How do I start to live again? How do I get back to who I was? For the first couple of months after all that loss, I was just exhausted, mentally and physically tired. After I rested up, I went a little wild I guess you would say, tried to have to much fun! Tried to make up for that emptiness I was left with. I did some things I wish I never did, that I wish I could take back. It was, now looking back, I realize that with enough cups of courage, I had no fear! God, how it scares me now, how unsafe I allowed myself to be. How worse things could have really turned out for me. I truly believe in Guardian Angels :) Now when I wake every morning, I love having no repercussions from the night before, no drama, or craziness, I have a constant peaceful feeling that grows within me each day. I have also come to appreciate stability. Something I did not have for a while. The best things in recovery are that I have gained much needed self respect and self love for myself and from my family. I have let go of caring about what others think of me because of my past actions, that is not who I am today, if they chose to still label and judge me, it is their issue now, not mine. We all go through bad times in life, shit happens you know, my downfall was and is not the sum total of who I am :) No longer do I feel sad that friends I thought would be there for me were not. It's true when they say that they were never really a friend in the first place. I enjoy the natural high now my friends, it is by far the best, and trust me, over the years, I have tried, I think of every way to stay in the narcotic slumber that Colette Baron-Reid talks about, a behavior I learned well I realize now, from the time I was 11 yrs old to get through the madness of my Mother's Mental Illness when it was in full bloom. When you grow up being locked in your room, down the cellar, outside, chased with a hammer, you do what you need to do to survive. I included parts of Colette's article on Denial, for the full article click on the link. I hope by sharing some of my story and this article it helps anyone else that may be in the same place that I was, or maybe it will help you with a loved one who is in Denial. Life is to short to live it any other way, but fully awake :)
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Close your eyes and imagine that your higher self is tapping on our shoulder to get your attention about something that you’re turning a blind eye to in your life. What situation, habit, or behavior might you not be facing, even though you sense deep down that it’s robbing you of achieving true happiness in your life. What is your intuition telling you?
Remember the scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her pals are walking through a poppy field? At first, they’re lured with the beauty of the magnificent flowers, but soon the hypnotic opiates seduce them in a deep slumber, threatening to keep them from their goal of reaching the Emerald City. This is what denial does-it puts us to sleep and thwarts us from our dreams. It’s time to wake up!
While there are many paths that can lead us to the narcotic slumber in the Field of Poppies,(Denial) they all involve refusing to see what’s obvious. It might involve staying in a bad job or relationship while pretending it’s good. It could be not facing alcoholism and/or addictions. It could be a pattern in your life that everyone but you can see. It could be a bad habit that isn’t serving you.
To get out of the slumber of denial, you must wake up and gain the power of truth. With humility, you must tap into your innate courage to look directly at whatever you haven’t wanted to see. You must admit to the excuses you’ve been using, the self-righteous behaviors, where you’ve been lying, and where you’ve blamed others or circumstances. Then, you must love and accept all of yourself, including the wounded part of you that you’d rather avoid. Yes, the truth can be difficult and involve painful emotions, but it will also set you free.