The Last Gift
I hope you are all doing well. I am doing pretty good. I don't want to come across as being depressed for the holidays as I also have much joy with my family and especially Briana who is so much fun lately, she is a hoot!! and I am so grateful for my friends and all the new friends I have met through my blog. You have helped me in so many different way this year I can't thank you all enough. But I also want to share with you what is going on in my life as well. Tomorrow will be a hard day. Instead of being with my mom this Christmas and my mother in law, I will instead be visiting their graves tomorrow to bring them some Christmas flowers. After I bought the flowers, I cried. I did not hit me until then that I could no longer give them the gifts I use to. They are buried at the same graveyard and in close proximity to each other. I have always gone there as well to bring my father flowers, I also have some peace knowing they are in heaven together and are resting together here on earth. They really loved eachother dispite all the hard times they had together. But my heart is heavy with this visit as I did not expect them both to be gone this year. I knew my mother would have been gone this year, she is in the first picture to the right, my aunt Joan and her went to New York city and had that picture taken with Perry Como. Then this year Elsie, my mother in law, who's picture is at the bottom of this blog, is on the far left. I wanted to post the pictures together but blogger could not do that. Her death was unexpected this year. I wrote this article on the Angelszine and if you did not get to read it there I wanted to post it here as well. So thank you to all who read my blog and I hope you read my inspirational articles every Friday on Angelszine.
The Last Gift
At this time last year my mother was in Hospice care. She had suffered a double stroke 16 months earlier. At first we thought there was a chance she would recover. But the damage was too much for that to happen. She was paralyzed and had many other issues. Amazingly enough she could still talk and remember the past and all six of her children. At times she was so clear you would not have thought nothing had happened to her. As time went on she began to get aspiration pneumonia and urinary tract infections over and over again. It got to the point that she could not eat regular food because her throat was damaged from the stroke. She had to have puree food and thick it. Her quality of life was slipping away. After treating her many infections, it was clear they were not going to go away. Her health was failing. The Doctor said there was nothing more that they could do. My siblings and I discussed the situation and we knew what we had to do as painful as it was, we had to let her go. She had fought and suffered long enough. My brother being her health care proxy had to sign her into hospice care. The Hospice care began around Thanksgiving. When Christmas came around she was very weak and heavily medicated, but could still converse with us. I wanted to buy her a gift for Christmas, but every time I went into the store, no gift seemed right. I froze in a way. I could not handle the fact that I was buying her the last Christmas present from me. After a few attempts to buy her a gift, I just gave into the fact that I just could not do it. The shiniest diamond would not have brought her a moment’s happiness or peace. I don’t think she was fully aware of any gifts she did receive. Now that I am reflecting back to last year I think I know why I could not buy that last gift. Even though I was in a lot of pain my instincts knew the only gifts she needed that Christmas were spiritual. I realized I was giving her those gifts every day. I gave her the gift of time, by leaving work to be with her as much as I could. I gave her the gift of comfort as I held her hand when she was scared. I gave her the gift of unconditional love as I kissed and hugged her when she needed it the most. I gave her the gift of peace when I told her everything will be alright, and I would take care of my brother Jimmy who she lived with for 20 years. I feel the last gifts I gave her were the best gifts I had ever given her. The gifts she had taught me throughout my life by example.
Take Care, Dolly.