Ebbs and Flows
I hope you are doing good, I am doing great today. On Monday I learned I have a grandson on the way!!, estimated time of arrival June 10th 2010. The best news is everything is healthy with him. As I drove home from Christa's house which takes about 30 minutes, I cranked the song you and me by DMB and as I drove the sun sparkled through the trees and off the white of the snow, hearing "with our eye's closed were gonna spin through the stars", is so romantic to me, it gives me goosebumps :) I felt a new sense of inspiration and true happiness. I realized how much has changed for me during the past two years. It has all been change for the better. At this time two years ago just two weeks before my mother passed my mother in law had a heart attack and then they discovered she had lung cancer. I thought now how am I going to find the strength to care for her, being that she had no daughters after what I had just been through with my mother the past 17 months???. Plus within that time I lost one of my best friends Sue to cancer and Briana's other grandmother who I adored from cancer as well, both were in their 50's. I know they say God does not give you more than you can handle, but seriously!! I was ready to check myself in Pembroke Hospital because I could not deal with the pain and the suffering that had gone on for so long and what was to come. I just wanted to stay in a bed, take drugs that knocked me out and escape everyone and everything. At that point it would have been a nice change of pace! After my mother in law passed that May, I took care of all the financial things with the will for my father in law who never paid a bill in his life. Finally at the end of that summer I got to start my life over. Baby step by baby step I slowly came back to life after so much was drawn from me. So I find myself today loving this time in my life right now, no more suffering surrounding me. My kids are grown and have turned out good. I have so much free time for me, after raising two kids without much of a support system. I always loved time by myself, before the kids I would always take a ride to the beach by myself and just sit or walk and reflect. I can do that again. I am going to go back to school, I hope I can get in a Master's Program this fall. I would like to make some money and enjoy it before the grim reaper visits. Physically I feel great losing almost 30 pounds, thanks to the swine flu which through off my appetite and now I eat much less, I didn't lose it because of hard work on my part or exercise LOL! But now that I feel better I want to start working out, get into yoga like I have always wanted, get back to power walking. I feel secure in every aspect of my life and it is better than ever. I like the 40's, I would not want to change a thing in my life that has lead me to this point. Gratitude flows so freely as I survived the Ebbs. New roads lay ahead for me to take and I have no fear even if I walk alone because now I know my strength and I am capable of handling anything that comes my way. I wanted to just keep driving, even though I know I will keep feeling what I was feeling. I hope you have those moments in your life as well.
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