A Poem for Josephine

Hi Everyone,
I hope you are all doing well, I am doing good, except for today. My mother
struggled with mental illness after giving birth to her 4th child in 5 years
at the age of 26 which was expected of women back in the fifties. I can see
why she had a breakdown, God knows I would have, 3 children in cloth diapers
without all of today's luxuries, and family support. It was probably post partum
psychosis that came upon her, but back then everyone was schizophrenic,so from
that point on she was damaged from shock therapy and Thorazine, until 1989
when she got a new doctor and treatment, and like a dying rose, she bloomed
once again, I am so grateful for the 19 years of getting to know her all over again
and spending so much time with her that I never thought I would have. During her
last 5 years of life she lived right around the corner from me. We spent even more
time together and I would bring her her favorite sandwich and we would talk and
then go shopping, memories I treasure today. Today I had to go out to do something,
and on my way home I had to pass her street, I always pray for a green light so I
do not have to stop and look at the road I can no longer go down to see her. Yet of
course today I got the red light. Instantly tears started to roll down my face,and
when I got home, somehow this poem came to me. She never came out and
spoke these words to me but I always knew what she was thinking and feeling,
so I want to share them with you, so if you know anyone who suffers from a
mental illness although they cannot express it, my instincts tell me this is how they feel.
The one thing in this poem my mother shared with me was once while being in an institution
she heard a women screaming and immediately went to her room and got on
her knee's and prayed for her, while she was suffering herself. She will forever
be my inspiration as I don't think I could have been as brave as her.
Thanks for visiting my blog,
Take Care
Janet :)

As I awoke one day,
my mind had changed
As shadows and darkness
surrounded me,
I tried to hold onto the
light, but it was not meant
to be.

After a shock has been
sent through my brain,
I sit with people around
me who hug and kiss me
Yet I don't know their names.
I try to get up and walk,
but around my ankles
it feels like a giant ball

I sit with a group of people
I don't know, speaking
words that are to me a
blur. Yet when they cry
I go to my room and pray for
them and hide

Today I returned home
everything is the same
except for me. I hope they
will still love me even though
I have changed

We did Mom, and I know
you felt the love without
shame.

Thanks for visiting my blog,
Take Care,
Janet :)