Thanks for visiting,
Janet :)
The college acceptances are arriving. Kids are elated and parents are panicked. Your son cries, "I got in!" You smile and your heart sinks at the same time. "Is he ready?" "Am I ready?"
First, pat yourself on the back for getting them this far. If they have been accepted to college, you have already been successful. As a parent, you have invested nearly two decades of your time, money and love in this young person. It is natural to wonder if they'll be OK, if they'll make it in the world
To me, I think of young adults as baby foals with wobbly legs. They are just learning to walk and they will fall down. Only by falling down and picking themselves up, can they learn. As Roy says, "Life is a stern teacher. You get the test first and the lesson later."
Going off to college is a rite of passage. According to Joseph Campbell, mythology and rite supply the symbols that carry the human spirit forward (Campbell, 1949). Every college student is a hero. "The standard path of the mythological adventure of the hero is presented by separation-initiation- return." The hero leaves the familiar (separation), ventures into the unknown (initiation), and returns victorious (return). This myth crosses culture and time. It is the hero myth. It is initiation into adulthood.
If our child is on a hero journey, so are we. But ours is slightly different. While they are being initiated into society, we are being freed. Campbell compares the lifespan to loading the camel. During the first half of life, we load the camel. We pile on the baggage of society: rules, expectations, obligations. But during the second half of our lives, we unload the camel and society's baggage. We unload ourselves of society's rules and obligations. We lighten our loads. Our children are piling on the baggage and we are taking it off. We are getting lighter.
But if our old selves are dying, new ones are being born. According to Campbell, this theme of death and resurrection is universal. It is your turn now. Turn your energy to yourself. Have fun. Remember all those things you always wanted to do but didn't have time for? Now you have time for neglected hobbies, old friends, and new adventures. You've paid the price of parenthood, you did your best, and now you are free. You owe it to your kids to stay alive- healthy and vital.
Letting go is the most benevolent thing you can do. And, it is not easy. It takes self-discipline. Roy told me about a cartoon he remembered. There was a young man dressed in a cap and gown at graduation. He was staring down at the world from outer space. He said to the world, "I have my A.B." And the world replied, "Stay with me and I'll teach the rest of the alphabet." The point is: they still have a lot to learn. But, you have taught them as much as you can. Let them go.
Campbell, J. (1949). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. New York: MJF Books.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201205/graduate-grownup/letting-go-college-kids
Great job Scott! Never give up your optimism!
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulation to you, Janet, for raising such awesome children!
xoxoxo
Oh thank you so much Petro, you always say the kindest words that touch me!
DeleteHave a great weekend,
xoxo
I am so excited to hear that your kids are blossoming into adulthood with grace. I think that is the hard part...getting through life with a type of grace that lets you hold your chin up instead of down. By the way, Scott looks rather dapper in his tux.
ReplyDeleteThanks you so much for the compliments Pink, it is great to hear from you, Hope all is well with you, I'll be doing some catch up with you soon
Deletexoxo
Scott you are one sexy young man, you life is waiting for you and I am sure you will make the best of it :). Kisses to you and your lovely..young mom. Because she looks too young to have such a grown up ..boy :). Kisses.
ReplyDeleteYour the best Unikorna, your compliments make me blush, but are so appreciated, your good for my ego and my son's as well!
Deletebig xoxo to you sweetie :)
Dear Janet, Congratulations Scott on your achievement.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to you too Janet, on bringing up such a nice young man.
Blessings dear. Catherine xo
Thank you so much Catherine, You are always so sweet and supportive and it means a lot to me :)
Deletexoxo